The Queen of Hearts
by Diana Laplace
Summary: -Caution: DR1 and SDR2 SPOILERS!- Tsumiki Mikan only wanted friends, even if it meant being abused by her peers. Each day, she struggled with her self-worth...until she met Enoshima Junko, the first person to ever regard her as an equal. Overcome by Junko's sweetness, Mikan finds herself falling into love...and despair...
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note**: _Please understand that this is extremely spoiler-y for Dangan Ronpa 1 and Super Dangan Ronpa 2! I'd also like to point out that this is told in Tsumiki Mikan's point of view, and she often stutters and trails off. I normally do not write in this type of syntax, but it was required for writing in character. As well, I keep the honorifics in the dialogue as this is how the characters normally address each other. Translating them into English sounds very awkward. Lastly, this is rated mature, since in later chapters there is extreme sexual content. It has been a while since I have wrote fanfiction, so please bear with me. I hope you enjoy _The Queen of Hearts!

I was never really good at anything…except for maybe one thing.

Deep within my heart, I truly cared for everyone. No matter what they would do, I only desired to be next to them as someone they could trust. Not only that…but I wanted to make things better. I wanted to heal.

That's why I devoted my life to helping people. I am a super high school level nurse.

No matter how hard I tried, I could never gain the trust of others. I was there when they needed me, I ran to them when they were hurt. But…in the end, they never cared for me…

Except one person.

It was raining that day, a gruesome downpour upon the campus. Many students stayed inside to wait for the rain to relent, and others decided to brave it on the way to the dorms. I didn't want to stay in the classrooms, a prime target for those who didn't like me. It was a death wish to stay inside with all those people. All of them staring at me, judging my every move.

Umbrella in hand, I dashed outside through the rain as fast as I could with my head down to watch my feet. The trait that I hated about myself…was that I was always tripping over myself. It would be a catastrophe if I fell in the rain, mud all over my school uniform.

Nearing the dorms, I saw them. A group of other students who I shared classes with. Silently, they stood like statues in the rain, clutching their umbrellas. My mouth opened into a heartfelt smile. I knew them, they seemed to like me…at least I hoped they did…

I can't remember the exact events anymore. It was all a blur. I remember running up to them, happily crying out their names, asking what they were doing in the rain. The next moment, I was on the ground, my umbrella skittered across the wet pavement. One of the stood over me, the shade of their umbrella obscuring their face, but I could see it…that look of scorn on their lips. That person pulled my bag out of my grasp, ripping a seam on the bottom causing all my books and anatomical diagrams to fly out. The group yelled things, hurtful things I'm sure. I couldn't hear them, the rain pounded my ear-drums as I lay in a puddle too stunned to understand.

Splat!

My hand flew to my face automatically, wiping off something dark and grimy.

Splat!

There it was again. A grainy, wet feeling on my skin. More dark gritty mush on my face.

"I-I'm so sorry," I stammered. "I don't underst-"

Splat!

It was mud. They were tossing mud at me. My vision blurred, my cheeks hot as my emotions suddenly burst. Unable to hold back my tears, I sobbed openly, imploring them to stop and explain why they were upset.

They continued to scream at me, deaf to my pleas. More mud flew through the air around me. Once the rain began to let up, they turned their backs to me and walk away, occasionally turning around to scoff or laugh.

Shakily, I forced my heavy body up to gather all my books and umbrella. My throat stung and trembled as I picked up my umbrella from across the lawn. I froze there for a long time, unmoving as I tried to recollect my thoughts. I didn't want to go back to the dorms, where all the students would be now. I didn't want people to ask what happened...to see…them laughing at my mud-stained clothes and face.

Without another thought, I trudged through the mud towards campus again, umbrella hook over my arm and my broken bag cradled in my arms. I kept my head down again, watching my feet shuffle through the grass onto the pavement, wondering why they would do this to me again…

Before I knew it, I found myself in the empty hallways of the school. My body walked on its own accord, shuffling towards the place I found myself most comfortable: the infirmary. The smell of formaldehyde blew into my nostrils upon opening the door, and composure instantly overcame me.

Setting my items in a nearby sink, I started to clean them, neglecting washing myself first. As I scrubbed the remnants of my bag, I heard more rain strike the window panels. It did not stop, the droplets streaming down the glass again. I would probably be here all night at this rate…not that I minded; it was sometimes more enjoyable to sleep in the infirmary beds than in my own…

I turned back to my work, but noticed a draft coming from ahead of me, the skin on my arms bulging into shivers. Removing my hands from the sink, I approached the door, which I had left open by accident, but something made me instantly stop.

Someone stood in the doorway. And they were staring right at me.

"Um…I'm so so so sorry," I cried, ducking my head away from the person. "I didn't mean to intrude in here, I j-just needed to wash some things…"

"Why aren't you cleaning yourself up? It looks like you're the one who needs the washing," a high voice replied. I glanced up sheepishly to see a girl around my age leaning against the door frame. Her uniform was altered, decorated with bows and fashionable patches ironed onto her jacket. She carried a large atmosphere around her body…as if she was someone important or dignified. And she probably was because she was absolutely stunning.

I squawked really loudly, my muddy feet slipping on the tile in attempt to back away from her. The next second, I found myself staring up at the ceiling, the infirmary lights burning into my eyes. Shielding my face with my arm, more out of embarrassment than my retinas smoldering, I lay there until my whimpers were stifled fully.

She stood over me, I noticed as soon as I removed my arm. Her poufy hair framed her face, bringing out the light blue of her eyes. Those eyes that stared at me. But, those eyes weren't squinty or filled with disgust…they were glassy and wide.

"Hey, are you all right?" A hand grabbed my dirty arm, pulling me up to my knees. The girl crouched next to me, her brow furrowed as she seemed to scan me.

"P-please…don't worry about me, ma'am…" I stuttered. Her gaze didn't leave me, focusing on my face with all the mud stains. I felt so embarrassed…I'm sure if there was no dirt on my face, it would be bright red instead…

Suddenly, she stood up, her laced boots eyelevel to me. She walked over to one of the sinks, rummaged around in the cabinets until turning on the sink.

"Here," she said as she came back towards where I sat, handing me a wet rag. "Your face is really dirty. I think if you clean it, you'll feel better. Then, everyone can see your pretty face!"

"A-a-a-ahhhh…" I nervously accepted the rag, shoving it into my face so I wouldn't let her see my reaction or the fact that my cheeks felt red-hot. "Thank you…" I said through it.

"It's no problem. What is your name by the way? Not everyone stays in the infirmary past school hours."

Gulping, I peeked an eye out from my cloth barrier. She was on the floor next to me, sitting in my muddy tracks as if it didn't bother her. She smiled softly at me. "Tsumiki Mikan," I replied, finally removing the cloth to see her fully.

"Ah! Tsumiki-san, my name is Enoshima Junko! It's so nice to meet you…!"


	2. Chapter 2

The first time I met Enoshima-san. That rainy day…after some classmates pushed me to the ground and threw mud at me. She didn't blink an eye-lash when helping me. She stayed to help clean and patch up my bag, talking animatedly about class and her job as a model. When she mentioned it, I wasn't at all surprised because of her appearance.

She explained to me how much she hated all the attention. Some of it was fine, since she deserved to be noticed. But, she couldn't even go walk outside by herself sometimes…since she attracted men. They'd badger her about things, bad things.

"I don't dress for them," she stated, handing me another needle while we were sewing my bag together. "I dress for myself. The world is horrible, Tsumiki-san. For me, clothes and make-up are a way to rebel against the world, to show them who I am. Apparently some people just don't get it at all." She fumbled with the pin cushion, her red nails shining.

It was hard for me to respond, since I couldn't imagine being in such a position. People had done awful things to me before, like burning cigarette butts on my arms. My situation was different I suppose. If I didn't let them do these things, then how useful could I be for them?

"Tsumiki-san, is everything ok?" she asked, knocking me out of my thoughts. "You've been pulling the string through the needle for several minutes. The tail is several centimeters long already…"

"AAAHH! I-I'm so sorry…! I'll fix it right away…!"

She did something I never expected. She laughed.

"Tsumiki-san! Don't worry about it. It can be fixed!" She shot me that warm smile…the one which made my ears feel hot.

The rest of that evening was spent with me finishing my bag while she fiddled with her phone. I didn't mind her ignoring me; I didn't want to embarrass myself anymore. As I pulled the thread through the canvas, I wondered…why would someone like her randomly approach me…why she was offering her help…

I almost stabbed the needle through my finger when a loud _CLANK_ broke the silence. Enoshima-san was standing now, her phone closed and clenched in her fist.

"It was a lot of fun, Tsumiki-san," she said, turning towards me. "Maybe we can see each other again some time?"

"You're going?" I asked. For some reason, the thought of her leaving really upset me. Having her stay with me in the infirmary was calming, like white noise during an awkward silence.

She motioned towards the clock on the adjacent wall. I let out a small gasp, realizing that we had been in the infirmary for hours. I never noticed the windows grow dark as I had earlier pulled the curtains over them.

"I have to go anyway, my big sister wanted to do things tonight, and she probably thinks I forgot again…" She twirled the locks of her hair absentmindedly.

"Ah, all right, Enoshima-san," I replied. "I…I really do appreciate you helping me…if you need anything from me, please ask! I'll be happy to repay you in any way you want!"

That smile again…

"It's fine, Tsumiki-san. I was just in the area and saw you in here. You don't owe me anything."

_What? _

Did…I hear that correctly…?

I shook my head. "No, please, Enoshima-san! I must pay you back somehow!"

She was already at the door, opening it to leave me behind. "Hmmmm," she mused, tilting her head back. "You could repay me in one way. We should meet up tomorrow and spend more time together."

I blinked blankly at her as the words registered in my brain. She was now leaning a shoulder against the door frame, one arm around her waist and the other propped on top of it to stroke her chin. "Of course, you have the right to decline my offer. It's entirely up to you." Her smile poked out through the gaps of her fingers.

"I will do anything you say…!" I cried. "I'm not worthy of all the kindness you showed me today." I didn't want her to leave, her presence made my heart feel lighter. Just her sitting next to me made me forget everything that had happened.

"If you're sure, then how about this? Tomorrow, I want us to eat lunch together! It will be lots of fun, I promise you!" She took a step outside, waving a long-nailed hand at me. "Bye bye, Tsumiki-san. I can't wait to see you tomorrow."

And then…she was gone. The door creaked to a stop as it closed completely, barring her away from me. The walls of the infirmary turned from a brilliant white to a slate gray as my eyes began to itch and water. I rubbed them, feeling really dim-witted that I was crying over some random girl who decided to be nice to me. A part of my heart knew that she would use me like everyone else. She probably had it all planned, to manipulate me with compassion and make me do whatever she wanted.

The thing was…

…I was entirely fine with it…

I wanted to be of some use to her. How long had it been since someone was this kind to me? I searched through my memories and could not remember any such instant. Although it was such a short amount of time, I had never felt so warm around a person before. Enoshima-san…in that moment, it felt like she truly was concerned for me. I had made up my mind to repay her for those small gestures that made my heart flip. Even if it meant being used again, I would do it for her. Because, she cared. She cared for me in a moment when I probably needed sympathy the most…

* * *

I met the next day with unabated expectation.

Sitting through class was torture, but I normally have problems with attending class anyway. Whether it is the unavoidable attention of those who don't like me, or my horrible habit of somehow dropping items or falling. When I am called to the board to solve a problem, the other students leer at me, expecting me to trip.

I ignored everything, channeling my focus on the board and waiting for lunch to be announced, the time I would meet with Enoshima-san again. Scenarios flew across my mind. What would we talk about? Because of being a model, she probably had so many topics to converse about. And me…I liked the infirmary and anything medical related. I saw us facing each other, talking about anything. I enthused about giving shots and how much I wanted to heal people. And then she would chat about the new brand of clothing she would be modeling in the next upcoming magazine. It surprised me, and I promised her I would buy the magazine as soon as it came out! She laughed, smiling at me…calling me adorable. I leaned in close to her, so that she and only she could hear me…I would confide in her the thing I liked the most that nobody else knows about…toilets…I secretly loved toilets…the design of them, how cleanly they flush. She never judged me; she giggled, telling me that I'm silly but also completely right. Where would our lives be without toilets?

A tap on the shoulder broke me out of my reveries. Spinning around in my desk, I found a classmate of mine towering over me. _Sa_-_Say_-something. I'm not good at attributed faces with names.

"Tsumiki-san, I am wondering if you could help me with my homework during lunch today? I forgot about it and the teacher said that I can't afford to skip another assignment!" Her notebook pressed to her chest, she imploringly bowed towards me. The drop of her head scared me at first since I was not used to such politeness.

"I…would like to help you, but I promised to meet someone today," I replied. I held my hands up to her, motioning for her to stop bowing.

"I beg you Tsumiki-san! You're the only one who is good in this subject, and it won't take long. I will copy your work and then let you leave!" She bowed again, even lower.

I didn't have the power to tell her no. She kept pressuring me, bowing over and over, crying about how poorly she will do in class if I didn't help her. I was too overcome with guilt to think of the situation, how odd it seemed. My thoughts raced back to Enoshima-san, how she will think I had let her down and lied. At the same time, I didn't want to disappoint my classmate…

I gave into her. Putting her notebook into her bag, she clapped her hands together. "Yay! Tsumiki-san, I owe you so much! I know of an empty classroom where you can show me your notebook and I'll quickly copy down everything. I'm sorry for being so intrusive, but I promise you it won't take up too much time."

Leading me out of the classroom, she instructed me up two flights of stairs into an emptier hallway. I glanced around nervously. The hallway lights dimmed on, casting eerie shadows on the tile. Ahead, my classmate pushed open a door, motioning me inside. Behind us, the door slammed shut.

I instantly recognized the room: it was the art room!

"Excuse m-me, " I whimpered at her. "Are you sure this is the right classroom? I don't think we're allowed to be in the art room by ourselves."

Silently, she set her bag down on a nearby desk. "I know it is the art room, do I look like I'm stupid or something?"

"…huh?"

"I am so tired of your attitude! You act like that to get attention, don't you? It's sickening to see someone be so pathetic!" Her teeth clenched at me, wrinkling the edges of her mouth wickedly.

"I don't understand…please tell me what I have done to make you so upset…I…I won't do it anymore! Please forgive me, I didn't mean to be so rude!" My elbows tucked into my abdomen, my eyes shut tight. I felt my stomach churning, the acid bubbling inside it and rising to my throat.

Someone grabbed me from behind, separating my arms from my chest to lock me in place. It was that moment I realize that _Sa_-_Say_-whatever her name, was not alone on this. I squirmed a little trying release myself, until my captor smacked me on the head, bright sparks soaring across my vision.

"We'll forgive you,_ pig_. An attitude adjustment is all you need." My classmate fumbled through her bag, pulling out something shiny. The lights in the art room were purposely faint; I could only make out fine edges of the item in her hand. She approached me, holding it out towards my face, teasing me with it.

In her hands, she clutched a pair of gleaming scissors.


	3. Chapter 3

She brandished the scissors in front of me, turning them sideways to let me have full glimpses of them every angle.

"Is it scary?" She thrust blades at my cheeks. The tip poked my skin, a small prick that made me flinch. I squeezed my teary eyes shut. I should have known that I would wind up in such a predicament. It was all too obvious from the start…

"Hey, how long are you going to tease her?" came a voice behind my ears.

"It's no fun if you can't make them squirm! Besides, I'm not going to cut her."

My heartbeat slowed a little at her comment. That made the whole scenario a bit better, but I was unsure what exactly they were planning…if it was something worse than being cut by a pair of scissors…

She removed the scissors from my cheeks. "I'm going to give you a make-over, Tsumiki-san. There's a saying how physical looks don't match a person's personality. In your case, I am going to give you a new hairstyle that reflects your ugly personality!"

The person behind me clasped me harder around the middle. I let out a cry as my classmate rushed over to me and snatched a hand-full of my hair, pulling my head to the side. The fibers of my hair snagged, some of them breaking as my scalp prickled. She was laughing, a shrilly gasp escaping from her mouth. My eyes watered but I could easily make out her movements. The tension from my hair loosened as she cut; strings falling to the ground and sticking to my uniform.

Again, she grabbed more hair, snipping in every direction. Making zigzag motions and curves. When she was bored, she gripped my forehead, pushing the back of my head. We were face-to-face now, her pupils like bottomless holes. Pulling my bangs, she cut them in grotesque shapes, letting the blades scrape my eyebrows.

She couldn't contain her laughter; her mouth stayed wide open, blowing her breath into my face. I winced, biting my lips to prevent myself from sobbing. My throat quivered and I let out muffled groans. I must have drawn blood from biting my lip so hard because there was a ferrous taste on my tongue.

A loud crash boomed in the back. She paused, my hair falling out from between her digits. Suddenly, her face contorted, all glee wiped away.

"What the hell are you doing!" a voice screamed. My classmate staggered backwards as someone ran up to her and slapped her squarely on the side of the face. A metallic sound, the scissors dropped to the floor. I was released, flopping to the ground with no strength left in my body. The only thing I could do was watch as a fight ensued.

My classmate leaned over the desk, a hand to her cheek where she was struck. The other person, the one who held me against my will, threw a punch at the new arrival. Whoever it was…managed to dodge skillfully, maneuvering around them.

Not knowing what to do, I rolled into a ball on the floor. My voice crackled as I openly blubbered over the situation. Why was this happening to me? They probably needed to let some anger out and I was more than willing to allow them to do those things to me…I was helping them…

"Saiyonji-san, you should be ashamed of yourself for this. This is worse than your typical pranks," the voice from before said.

That's who it was…Saiyonji-san. I could hear _her_ crying now, worse than me, a squeaking hiccup.

"Erk! Her hair just needed some trimming so we decided to…to cut it for her…"

"Do you think I'm going to believe your bullshit? Look at her…her hair is a complete mess now. You took this way too far and I'm not going to let you do it anymore."

Saiyonji-san sniffed, hiccupping between every word. "I…I won't do it again…I'm…sorry!"

The voice didn't answer; it was silent except for the sounds of Saiyonji-san's sniveling. I didn't notice it at first, but I had stopped crying myself, straining my ears to hear their conversation. The floor around me vibrated, followed by a slam.

More shuffling.

"Are you all right?" came the voice.

I hesitated for a second until lifting my head.

"E-Enoshima-san…!" I gasped.

She walked away from me to flip the light switch on. The art room flooded with light and I was able to see her completely. Her hair was slightly tousled…from dodging the attack I suppose. Aside from that, there was not one scratch on her body. Saiyonji-san and the other person were gone…

Giving me a faint smile, she offered a hand to pull me up.

" …I am all right, you don't need to worry about me…" I whimpered, ignoring her out-stretched hand as I lifted my heavy body off the ground. Around me, trails of my hair were strung this way and that. I didn't know how exactly I looked now after Saionji-san cut through my hair. Either way, I didn't care.

"Tsumiki-san…you're not fine," Enoshima-san replied. She seized my shoulders, her hands quacking on top them. "You need to sit down."

"But…I have been sitting down the whole time," I said. I tried to grin to show her that I was well, but my lips quivered. My whole body shuddered, flashing back to the anxiety I felt while Saionji-san ripped through my hair.

My vision blocked. Something soft pushed against my nose. Her arms wrapped around me tightly. I could smell her perfume. A flowery smell with a musky undertone. I stood there confused, my face pressed into her breasts and her smell filling up my nostrils. We were in this position for over a minute until she let go of me. Her hands remained on my shoulders, her face parallel to mine. She wore the same smile that melted my heart, but her eyes glassed over from crying.

"You're fine _now_, Tsumiki-san," she reassured me as she removed one hand to wipe her eyes. It left mascara smears along the tops of her cheeks. "You might not like what they did to you, but that can be fixed. You're safe now and I promise they won't bother you again."

I gulped, my eyesight abruptly growing blurrier. Then, it all came out. I cried into her chest, my hands grasping her shirt. My wailing subdued by her body mass. Her arms were around me again, locking me in a tight embrace. I couldn't help it…everything just rushed out and spilled all over her…and she was willing to let me do it.

Her hands left my back to dig between us and pull up my face. She held my head up in a position so that we could see each other. She cried with me, rubbing my cheeks gently.

"I'm angry at what they did to you. You never deserved this in the first place. I do want to ask you though, would you mind if I fixed your hair for you?" She detached herself from me and bending down, picked up the scissors that Saionji-san had left. She meekly held up the scissors in a nailed hand.

"…I don't want to trouble you with anything…"

"No, I totally insist! You can't walk out of here after what they did to you," Enoshima-san said. Twirling around, she pulled up a chair and mimed for me to sit down. Hesitatingly, I lowered myself to it.

Once again, I was in her debt. Was this all set up? I wondered if she purposely had Saionji-san attack me so she could come to my rescue. I didn't mean to doubt her, but I honestly could not believe that she was doing this all out of the purity of her heart. Sometimes, a person steps in to help me, but never again. It was the first time the same person helped me a second time.

She must have had one of those collapsible brushes in the pockets of her uniform because she started combing my hair with one. A gentle sensation, like someone blowing on my neck, made my neck shiver. Her fingers glided through my hair effortlessly, sometimes brushing against my scalp as she partitioned chunks to cut. I heard the sounds of careful snipping. She took her time, pausing with my long locks still in her hands to analyze where the next cut must be made.

After she was satisfied, she walked around to my front. Tilting her head, she studied me, her blue eyes darting around. It made me uneasy, and my face grew hot from her staring. I tried to remind myself that she was just cutting my bangs.

She pulled the brush through my bangs with one hand, using the other one to cut with the scissors. Small tufts of hair fell to my lap. I did not dare move to brush them away in case I messed up her work. Enoshima-san was close to me. Her perfume perforated my senses again. She was almost sitting on top of me…

"There! All done," she declared. I blushed, petting my bangs where she had cut. "I couldn't get them straight. She cut some parts really short, so I improvised and added an angle to them. I think it brings out the beauty mark you have under your eye actually."

"W-what…!" She giggled. "I mean…thank you Enoshima-san…"

I left the chair, observing her bring a broom out of the storage closet to sweep up all my scattered hair. I wanted to do it, but she wouldn't let me.

"Enoshima-san," I began as she was finishing up. "I'm sorry, I-I…never got to meet with you today."

"It's no big deal. We did get to see each other again in the end. Even though we both look pretty beat up!" She laughed again, and I chuckled in spite of myself. "Besides, we always have the next day to have lunch together."

She can't be a real person, I thought. She was too understanding…too nice about everything. I can't accept her gratitude.

We promised each other that we would eat lunch the next day. Enoshima-san had a photo-shoot later that day and wouldn't be available to do anything after school. She offered me her pinky, explaining that she would be alert for anyone who hurt me again and that we would _definitely_ eat lunch together. Intertwining our pinkies together, we swore to it.

As I watched her walk away, her hair bouncing on her back, my heart thumped and thumped…and I didn't want it to stop. Her hips swayed while descending the stairs and I couldn't remove my gaze from them. It was hypnotizing.

That night when I went to bed, my heart still thumped. I replayed the scene in my mind, our bodies melding together while we both cried and her brushing my hair. The prickling of my neck. Her face close to mine. Her fingers massaging my cheeks as I openly sobbed in her arms. At each memory, my heart beat faster. I wanted to cry out. I was stuck inside a cage. A person like her would never reciprocate the same feelings I harbored for her…

I finally understood…I had fallen in love with Enoshima Junko.


	4. Chapter 4

I wanted to be more assertive.

If someone asked for my help, I needed to turn them down. No matter how much I wanted to give into their demands, I promised myself not to break our promise. It would not happen again… I was entirely in her debt. I reassured myself that I was repaying Enoshima-san and that any refusals were not entirely of my own choice.

That was one of the many thoughts that plagued my mind in the middle of the night, less than twelve hours until we would be able to fulfill our pinky promise of eating together. Like before, all sorts of fantasies invaded my head, of me and Enoshima-san chatting like old friends, giggling and interacting with each other. It…was unreal that I was soon going to have free time with another person. Social interaction for me was sparse, an alien ritual I observed other students engage in. To believe that I would have a normal conversation with another living being…one that didn't involve hurting me physically or mentally…was unrealistic and foreign…

I'll admit…I was afraid. What if Enoshima-san was like the others? Treating me with kindness and then acting cruelly at the worst possible time..? I lay in bed, the sheets pulled up to my chin, evaluating every single possible way it could go wrong. What if…what if I said something wrong and made Enoshima-san angry at me?

To you, it may seem strange that I fell in love so swiftly with a person I met only after a few days. Don't…take me the wrong way…I'm not trying to criticize you or anything…the best explanation I can give is that…I _felt_ it. Enoshima-san caused all sorts of things to happen to me. My heartbeat…I began to notice the smaller things I would normally over look. Like the varying shades of green of the bushes or how the clouds drifted into different shapes over time. Many of these little things, I never took the time to reflect upon…I was too busy fretting over other people.

I awoke with a sensation in my body that I hadn't felt in a very long time. For a brief moment, the opinions of others didn't faze me. The only thing that mattered was how she thought of me. And so far, it seemed to be positive. Because of this…because Enoshima-san regarded me with such highness, I reflected this in my own self-image.

Getting out of bed, the first thing I did was amble into the bathroom of my room to peer in the mirror. My reflection stared shyly back at me, my hair messy and cut in all sorts of lengths. Compared to Enoshima-san, I was no beauty. Turning my head at different angles, I observed every flaw of my appearance. I hated it. I hated the color of my eyes, my mole underneath one. My nose looked crooked.

But…if Enoshima-san likes me…if she says that I am pretty…then perhaps it is the truth. I continued to stare at my reflection, mulling over the crazy idea that I was beautiful. I leaned over the counter for several minutes until I was satisfied that I convinced myself.

I started the day full of hope. No matter what anyone said…no matter what would happen…I was positive it would be a great afternoon with Enoshima-san.

* * *

Enoshima-san and I sat on the lawn, ironically, near the same place where some of my classmates pushed me into the mud a few days earlier. The afternoon was perfect; the sky clear and temperature moderate. Around us, other students busied themselves with their lunches or running around. Every so often, someone would yell at the rowdier students to calm down. None of this bothered us.

But, I was still troubled…

The picture-perfect lunch I imagined last night did not come true. Enoshima-san remained quiet almost the whole time, chewing silently. I noticed her lunch was quite sparse, possibly because she had to watch her weight as a model. I wanted to say something, maybe to share some food with her if she was still hungry, but I hesitated…

Enoshima-san stared straight ahead, a vacant expression plastered to her features. Perhaps she was lost in thought about something? Removing my attention from the side of her face, I turned to the direction she focused on to understand what perplexed her. A long time passed with us both absent-mindedly looking out into the distance.

I strained myself to say something. The sullen mood made my anxiety swell up, pushing me to say something, to ask if she was angry at me…

"E-E-Enoshima-san…" Instantly regretting my decision to speak, I brought both palms to my mouth. To my surprise, Enoshima-san glanced to her side at me, her countenance unchanged.

"…did I…do something wrong to make you upset…?" I continued.

She lowered her eating utensil on top of her lunch. "No," she murmured. "I have a lot on my mind today."

A person like me couldn't possibly understand the thoughts that went through her mind. I remembered what she explained to me in the infirmary, about how rough being a model was… and how she attracted unwanted attention. It was clearly obvious that she required some stillness to relieve her anxiety.

"I did not mean to be intrusive…" I replied. Her chest and shoulders heaved as she sucked in a lungful of air, letting it all out with a dainty sigh.

"No, it's all right. It's natural for you to be worried. I'm the one who should apologize. I didn't mean for our time today to be ruined by my silly thoughts." Her lips curved into a smile, reassuring me that she was not angry with me. I grinned back, thankful that I was not the source of her problems.

Either way, I did not pressure her to explain what was so bothersome. All I knew was that I was not the cause. In the end, lunch turned out to be better once Enoshima-san became her normal, sunny self. I questioned her about her food and she verified my suspicions, saying that it was difficult to watch her diet since she gets hungry easily. It confused me why she just didn't eat a bit more every so often, she could get away with it, but approaching the situation more would be too rude. She saved me from further embarrassment by asking what I thought of my new 'hair-cut' and if she did a satisfactory job. I said yes, thanking her repeatedly until she began to chuckle.

Several weeks passed in this fashion. Enoshima-san and I would eat lunch together on the lawn every other day. Steadily, our friendship grew closer to the point where I wasn't stuttering around her as much. I started to catch a few of her quirks, examining the way she moved her hands when telling me about something that made her emotional. Her habit of sticking out the tip of her tongue to lightly wet her lips when about to start a new topic in our conversations. When thinking, she fiddled with her hair by twirling locks around her index finger.

Spending time with her was what I appreciated the most. It did not matter if was raining or there was an exam, being by her side instantly cheered me up. I forgot about all the mean things people would say to me while passing by in the halls. Because none of it mattered… Enoshima-san valued my company and thought of me as a close friend. She would tell me that my shy personality was cute; I should never try to change myself if people told me to because I was pretty the way I am…

Many times my cheeks flushed at her comments. My stomach somersaulted. The only time I stuttered was when this happened. I could not imagine anyone…especially her…stating these types of statements to me. The more she complimented me, the more I began to believe her…

With each passing week, I grew fonder of her. Just recognizing her name on a piece of paper caused my heart to rapidly beat. It happened several times, to the point I thought I was getting physically ill…was it hypertension…could it have been my diet…? I did not want acknowledge the fact that I was in love with her, something more than a friendship. Someone like her would always be out of my reach. I never did question her about her love life either, so I guessed that she probably had a boyfriend already. It wouldn't be hard for her…why would she like me back anyway…we were both girls bound by friendship…

About a month after we first met, I was late to meeting her for lunch. Nervously spinning around in every direction, I called for her, worried that my tardiness might have upset her. I left the lawn, dashing to the main school building with my lunch flying in my hand. With gasping breaths, I searched for her.

I turned a corner, automatically noticing her poofy hair from the back. Taking a step forward, I began to call her name…but stopped.

She was with someone, speaking in hushed tones. Her back in front of me, I was not able to make out the person's entire details. except that they were male because of their low voice.

"I can't believe you're doing this," he grumbled.

"Ah, Masuda-kun, you should know better to trust me," Enoshima-san cooed. She strolled closer to him, her hair bobbing behind her.

"You know how much I've always loved you since we were little. But, I can't allow you to do it."

I frowned, inching closer to hear them but staying hidden against the side of the building.

"Why not? I just want to test it. I love you lots too!" Her pitch was squeaky, unlike the Enoshima-san I knew.

"That's the thing. I love you, but I also hate you at the same time…you've changed so much since entering this school…" He sighed, moving an arm to massage his temple.

"I feel more alive," Enoshima-san whispered. "Besides, you'll let me test it eventually. I love you so much and I only wanted to help you."

The arteries in my chest contracted and the acid from my stomach rose. Everything spun, the concrete, the trees.

My lunch dropped with a small clatter. Not able to handle what I over-heard, I ran away. I was instantly stopped, bumping into something solid and erect.

"E-excuse me…!" I blurted out.

"Were you listening to them?" Another unknown person. Her gray eyes followed me, a mechanical stoicism surrounded her figure.

"…yes," I admitted, not wishing to lie or instigate anything.

"My sister talks about you," the person continued, her words dry. "I should not be saying this to you. I think it's important that you know."

Silence.

"It's best if you didn't hang around her. She only creates trouble. You do not want to end up in the midst of anything she causes." Without an explanation, she bumped against my shoulder as she walked past me.

I remained in place, clenching my fists into tight balls trying to hold back my tears. Confused and distraught, I replayed the entire conversation I witnessed. It was true …she did have someone she liked... more than me…enough to break our promise without telling me.

I sniffed while mentally pushing away all the negativity. But reality kept rushing back to me, reminding me…scolding me for my feelings. Why don't I ever admit it..? Why do I keep telling myself that everything is fine when it isn't? Enoshima-san may have made changed me for the better, but I never will have the opportunity to repay her in the way I wanted to most.

At least…at least…I would become of some use to her…even if she shredded my heart, I still desired to be next to her, waiting for the day that I would be service to her.

My emotions didn't matter after all…


	5. Chapter 5

I approached Enoshima-san to ask her why we never had lunch the other day. Hopefully, she didn't think it was me who broke the promise. Not that I wanted to blame her…I strove to play it out as a misunderstanding.

By now, I had her schedule memorized, knowing she could not spend time with me the next day. I decided I could run into her in the hallway and question her about yesterday.

Once class was over, I gathered my books to throw them in my bag. Leaving the classroom before everyone else, I weaved through emerging throngs of students to find Enoshima-san. I almost tripped over someone's outstretched foot, but I stayed resolute and fumbled forward over my feet until I sprinted back into my usual pace. Passing a hall monitor, I slowed into a brisk walk until I was positive I was out of his sight.

I found her leaning against the hallway window, fiddling with her phone. We weren't allowed to have phones during school hours but she didn't seem to care. She held it out while her fingers danced across the buttons.

I stopped running, choosing to stroll up to her to allow my panting to subside. She removed her attention from her phone once I was adjacent to her.

"Enoshima-san…" I said.

She gave me a surprised look. Then, shutting her phone and hiding it into the depths of her school uniform, she finally replied. "Tsumiki-san, I didn't see you yesterday. Did something happen?"

I stifled a cry of alarm. She did eat lunch on the lawn without me! I couldn't respond to her right away, guilt and uncertainty suppressing my urge to explain.

Finally, I found my voice. "I-I'm so sorry, Enoshima-san," I squeaked as I shook my head. "I forgot about yesterday…I wanted to see you today to make sure you weren't angry at me…" I prepared for the worse, tightening my stomach bowels.

"What do you mean? I'm the one who forgot! I ran to the lawn and didn't see you there. And then I looked at the time and it was already too late!" she gushed. Enoshima-san was facing me now, her eyes darting at every detail of my person.

"Ah…! Please don't feel guilty about that, Enoshima-san," I pleaded.

"I feel really bad about it. You probably think that I broke our promise…"

I was flabbergasted. Here I was fretting that she would be upset that I didn't spend time with her. And now she was in my place, agonizing over if I was angry.

"No, nothing of the sort!" I cried. "I'm sure Enoshima-san had a good reason for being late! It was all my fault…"

She crossed her arms. "Even if I did, it still doesn't excuse me for breaking our promise. Which is why…I've decided to make it up to you today! After school, I want to go out with you!"

"G-go…_OUT_…!"

"Not that type," Enoshima-san joked, waving her hand at me. "I want us to spend time with each other outside of just eating lunch. It gets pretty boring after a while. I thought you could come to the studio where I have a photo-shoot and then we can go look around some nearby shops."

My head spun; I clutched the sides of my face to prevent myself from falling over. Just the idea of seeing Enoshima-san model made me delirious. I always saw pictures of her in magazines, many of which I began to collect for pictures of her, but never in-person had she worn something other than her altered school uniform. Outside of the magazines, she looked almost the same, save for a toned-down make-up palette. Her eyes and skin were much more dramatic in photo-shoots. The difference wasn't noticeable since her bombastic personality compensated for the lack of make-up.

Again and again, I pressed her to reconsider an alternate way to repay me. The thought of going to the modeling agency sent shivers down my spine and made me want to be sick. An ugly person like me wasn't even allowed within a few meters of that place, let alone walking in on a shoot. I attempted to point this out to her, but she wouldn't hear of it.

A few hours later, I froze in front of the towering, high-rise building. A professional mood enveloped the sky-scraper, warning me that I was not welcome. In one hand, I held a scrap of paper with what I was supposed to tell the receptionist at the desk. Gulping, I stepped inside, the glass doors sliding automatically away from me, gushing cold air onto my forehead. I followed the directions on the scrap paper, apologizing profusely to the receptionist when I said the wrong floor number, and then stumbling over the cracks in the granite tile on the way to the elevator. The elevator assistant sent me up to the correct floor, but the trip was entirely nerve-wracking. The whole time, I stared at myself in the reflective elevator walls. Compared to the elevator assistant, I was unsightly and ragged, unwanted in a place of such high esteem. Once the elevator doors opened, I thanked the assistant, ambling into a small group of people scurrying everywhere.

Shyly, I peered around for signs of Enoshima-san, finally finding her on the set. She wore an over-sized sweater draped over a short skirt. On her feet were platform shoes with a long heel. Her make-up shone brightly under the light, bringing out her blue eyes and flushed cheeks. I almost didn't recognize her; her hair was pulled into a ponytail instead of her usual pig-tails.

With amazement, I admired the photo-shoot off to the side, still grasping the paper in my hand. Once and a while, assistants tampered with the over-head lights and Enoshima-san would alter her pose for the camera. At each angle, I saw a different side to her beauty. Her nose peeked out from her features at a smooth incline. The color of her skin highlighted the blue tones of her eyes in such a perfect combination. Holding my arms together, I imagined running my hands through her curly hair…how soft it probably was…

The photo-shoot didn't last as long. Enoshima-san removed herself from the set, instantly noticing me in the corner of the room. Her shoes clicked against the tile as she approached me.

"Tsumiki-san!" she called, the clicking of her heels louder as she rushed towards me. "I was nervous that you weren't going to come or that you got lost."

"No, I managed to find it," I whispered. Behind her, the crowds of assistants and managers swarmed like bees, their schedules busy and time-demanding. Feeling out of place, I couldn't help but bite down on my lower lip out of nervousness.

"What did you think?" She tilted her head, an inquisitive hand pressed to her chin.

"I-it was wonderful," I replied softly, still scared of the atmosphere behind her.

Perceiving my discomfort, she weaved her arm through mine, carefully leading me to the elevator. "I don't have anything left for today. So, let's go!"

I was thankful for leaving that place, but Enoshima-san's appearance made me distraught for the entire evening. She loomed over me in her heels, almost ten centimeters taller than me. To outsiders, we probably seemed to be complete opposites…a beautiful model accompanying a plain high school girl…

She dragged me into various shops around the area, browsing the clothing racks as I stood next to her not knowing what to do. The clothes cost an exorbitant amount of money, which I obviously didn't have. Even if I did have that much, I would never be able to buy any because it was all too pretty for someone like me…

"Tsumiki-san, come over here!" she demanded. I responded to her call, pausing as she held up a dress on a hanger. She grinned from the side of it. "What do you think?"

"Anything that you wear looks great on you," I said.

"No, no. I mean, what do you think for it for yourself?"

My eyes darted back to the dress, not understanding what she meant at first. The dress was nothing like any of the clothes my own closet. A floral print with ruffles on the bottom. The top was haltered, and as Enoshima-san spun it around in front of me, I noticed the straps crossed in the back.

"Huuuh?" she asked, twirling the dress more. "If you don't know, you should try it on and see!"

Before I could explain to her that I had no money, she shoved the dress into my arms and escorted me to the dressing rooms. I removed my shoes, setting them outside and pulled the curtain behind me with Enoshima-san loitering outside. Carefully, I removed my uniform and pulled the dress over my head.

I peeked out from behind the curtain, too embarrassed to walk outside to show Enoshima-san. She was quick, swiping the curtain from my shaking hands. I frowned as she admired me.

"It doesn't feel right," I said as I tugged at the straps. "My shoulders are showing…"

"They're supposed to," Enoshima-san explained. She forced me to turn around so she could adjust to straps. I gazed into the parallel mirror. The person staring back was not me at all…a girl who wore expensive clothing and enjoyed showing off her skin…

Enoshima-san was pleased with the dress, exclaiming how it fit me perfectly. Before I could protest against her compliments, _she_ _bought it for me_. At the register, she handed a shiny card to the attendant. My mouth hung slack, dumbfounded at how brisk and normal her movements were as she bought the dress, not even bothering to look at the receipt.

I wore the dress out, despite my shoes not matching. The rest of the evening, we visited more shops, but Enoshima-san didn't buy anything else. It was only the dress for me…

With each passing moment, I was more and more indebted to her. My repayment soared beyond physical numbers, giving me the impression that it would take a life-time to be helpful to her. As she animatedly bobbed through the shops, my mind returned to the scenario from yesterday. Her confession to that other person and then the girl warning me against her. What was her goal? She did so much for me already…spending time…buying me an expensive gift that I would never be able to pay back until I was in the medicine career…being there for me and liking me without hesitation…

And I…? Never would I be able to give her these things back. She loved someone else, it was true. I laughed to myself, why was I so bent on liking her? It was selfish for me to hold onto these romantic emotions. I didn't want her to leave the one she loved. It would be against my philosophy…I just wanted to be of help to her. I promised myself, if she ever confided me about gaining his love, I would comply and help her despite my own feelings. My thoughts about her didn't matter anyway…her happiness mattered over mine. That is why I accepted the dress, because it made her happy that I wore it.

After our shopping excursion, we arrived back at the school dorms. Enoshima-san pestered me to see inside of mine. According to her, the inside of a person's room reflects their personality sometimes. Her comment reminded me of what Saiyonji-san said several weeks ago…

I let her inside, upset because my room wouldn't strike her fancy like she probably imagined it to be. My room is very plain, with only a few anatomical drawings taped to the wall. Enoshima-san stopped to analyze them, praising me on my handiwork.

A strange nervousness crept into my throat, bursting into the back of my mouth. I suddenly desired to tell her…those feelings…I don't know what overcame me then…it just felt like the right moment…

"Enoshima-san…" She abandoned her concentration from my walls to look towards me. The excitement stabbed into my heart causing it to beat uncontrollably. "I…I…really l-like…"

I squeezed my eyes together upon noticing her stare and the unavoidable flushing of my face. I had to finish that sentence, but I struggled with the word.

"…like….toilets…!" I gasped.

At first, she gave me confused look, and then shaking her head, let out a howling laugh. All the breath was gone out of me. It would be only a matter of seconds until I would be on the floor passed out due to humiliation.

"That is the funniest thing I've heard all day!" Enoshima-san said, wiping tears away from her eyes. She stood close to me now, still chuckling at my failed attempt to confess my feelings.

Abruptly, all amusement faded from her face. She solemnly lingered near me, an obvious desire to say something written all over her features.

"That reminds me…there was something I wanted to tell you. More like confide in you actually…"

Here it comes, I thought. _Enoshima-san is going to tell me about the guy from yesterday…_

I braced myself, tightening the muscles in my legs and in my stomach in case I swooned.

Enoshima-san was red now, her cheeks glowing in the light of my room.

"Tsumiki-san, I... like you a lot…!"

My eyes widened. I felt my heart stop for a split second as my mind attempted to interpret her words.

She shook her head, her ponytail wagging in the air. "I mean, I feel dumb for saying it, but I really like you a lot. More than a friend. It's fine if you don't feel the same way though."

Again, I fought with my thoughts to locate the words.

"E-Enoshima-san…the truth is…I have always admired you…" No, that wasn't exactly correct. "You were the only person to ever like me…and be so kind to me…" Yes, that was true. "I truly do love you…" I closed my eyes, blocking her out of my vision, too flustered and scared at her reaction.

Something soft against me brought me back to reality. Opening my eyes, I found myself locked into an embrace from Enoshima-san.

"I'm so glad…" I heard her choke, her voice crackling as if she was sobbing. "I can't fully express my feelings for you. Tsumiki-san…I truly love you!" This confession contrasted deeper than the one I heard yesterday; her voice wasn't high and fake, it sounded…felt honest…

Finally, I knew I could repay her back. My love for her would be all she needed as payment.

Enoshima-san broke our hug, resting her hands on my bare shoulders.

"I…want to consummate our love!" she exclaimed.


End file.
